There is no such thing as a perfect parent so just be a real one.
Parenting is all about unconditional love and sacrifices. We all as a parent have to do myriad things so that we can grow a great kid. There is no doubt that any parent would not want to do anything which is harmful to their kids. Many times we just read random things and follow, no matter how appropriate it is or not. Today, we are going to discuss one great issue about parenting – things you don’t have to do with your kids.
Parents should be great observers. They must know what their kid is feeling. Is your over pampering making him/her coward? Do you compare your kids so often they start doubting themselves loosing confident? Are you yelling at them most of the time? There might be many things which you are doing is wrong. But the question is how to identify them?
To confirm, we invited mothers from all over globe to discuss about their parenting issues and tips on how to overcome them. We had given a task, to identify ONE thing they don’t want to do with their kids. The reason why that particular thing is forbidden? Why is it of so much importance to take care about?
Let’s have a look at what these wonderful moms have to share about “One thing as a parent I never ever want to do with my kids”:
As I write this post I remember my childhood days sitting in a dining table having dinner and listening to my parents talk. Both of my parents worked in the same campus. They would normally talk about work, about many situations in workplace. Eventually their talk would turn into an argument, I mostly grew up listening to many such arguments between my parents regularly.
I grew up thinking having arguments for everything is very much normal. I still increase my tone to prove a point, it took a long time for me to realise that arguments are bad, increasing voice and proving a point is not everything. I am trying hard to overcome it , but somethings don’t go easily since we have learnt it for a long time, it has already become a part of our personality and the worst part is knowingly or unknowingly my parents have taught it. I cannot blame them completely because those were not internet days those were days when many were struggling to give basic necessaries and good education to children. I am lucky in that way because life was easy, my parents provided us much more than we needed.
But today it is completely different we know everything, we know what is right and what is wrong for kids. If you do not know there are millions of sources out there to tell you how to bring up a good kid. Each and every thing which our children experience in childhood becomes a part in shaping up their personality.
With my personal experience I never want to argue in front of my kid. I would never raise him in a dysfunctional family. My son in 9 months old now, I want him to grow up in a peaceful environment, I want him to know to handle situations calmly without getting into an unnecessary argument. This is possible if we as parents build a home for them which is more of peace , healthy talk, happiness and less of arguments and fights . But we are normal human beings, we have kids doesn’t mean that we will have less hard times in life, in fact it will be more. Then how to be nice and happy all time? No, I am not telling you to be fake. I think we should and must know below things when we have kids at home
- Know what to express and what not to express in front of kids.
- Want to discuss on something serious which might lead to an argument? Don’t do it in dinner table. Fix the time, may be when kids have gone to school or may be when they are sleeping.
- Don’t speak about others bad in front of kids
- Don’t use foul language in front of kids
- Don’t yell at each other in front of kids. They will learn it fast and yell at you one fine day.
- Don’t worry that kids are listening to you, Worry that kids are always watching you. Don’t raise a children in dysfunctional family. Practice before you preach. Raise a good child. You will the person who is most proud of when you see your child grown up as a good human being.
Don’t worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.
Visit Shamanth’s blog at http://www.mrslilmum.wordpress.com
WHEN I BECAME A PARENT, I PROMISED MYSELF I NEVER EVER WOULD…
I have sworn that I will never ever try and influence my children’s aspirations for their future. As a parent it’s really easy to get ideas about what our children should be when they grow up – what kind of life we want for them. But, it isn’t our job as parents to pick their future; that’s their job. Our job is to make sure that they have the love, support and resources to work towards their dreams, and the rest is up to them. I personally believe that it’s really important to let our children find their own way, even if the journey they choose to embark on is going to be challenging. I think that I chose my path in life because of the expectations that society put on me. Even though my parents didn’t say it out loud, I had a strong idea of what kind of path it was okay to choose. I think that it led to many years of living a life that was less than authentic – and likely has contributed to my anxiety disorder.
I work very hard to be encouraging about whatever it is my children are interested in. I try to never voice my opinion about what course of action I think they should take unless they ask me for advice, while at the same time being vocally approving of their goals. I recognize that they may get wrong ideas about what my expectations are – I certainly thought my parents had expectations for me that were incorrect – so it’s important that I’m clear that it’s their future, and I’ll love them and support them no matter who they decide to be when they grow up (I’m talking about positive futures not a life of crime obviously).
My success has varied; sometimes, I find myself giving my opinion before I’ve really thought it through. But, I’m getting better at waiting, letting them show me or tell me what their plan is, and then I can give the appropriate encouragement. Just recently my eldest son (he’s an adult) decided to change career paths. It was something that I’d been thinking he should do for a while. He’s got some trouble with chronic pain that isn’t conducive to a job in mechanics, but mechanics is his love. I feel very proud that I kept my opinion to myself, and let him come to the conclusion that finding a different career path might be gentler on his body ☺
My best tip for not pushing your aspirations on your children is to let them take the lead. Wait until they show you their cards, and then you can be there to encourage them.
There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other, wings.
Visit Nicole’s blog at https://thisisallgoingon.com
Before you become a parent there seems to be a constant flow of “I’d never do…”. By the time my son was 10 months I realized I had been wrong on so many of them or some were outright unrealistic. There is one thing that I’m determined to follow through on though. One thing that means more to me than any other. One thing that I know will have a significant impact on my son and who he becomes. I will never force him to be who he’s not. He will never have to worry about me pushing him to be a doctor or a scientist or a businessman or “insert any job title here”. This also means I will never force him to be an extrovert when he’s actually an introvert. Or force him to take certain classes because, to me, they’re more beneficial to his “future”. It’s my job to help him learn about himself, but also to learn how to trust himself.
I still remember being in high school and choosing my last course; photography or computer programming. My father held BIG beliefs on which I should do. He made it VERY clear that he thought a photography class was akin to “basket weaving 101” (and what is wrong with that?!) and that I needed to focus on the “future” of computer programming. My mom was the only one that accepted that I wanted to do photography instead. That class became such an outlet for me and it became the basis of the rest of my life so far. Over 15 years later and I’m still working in photography. My mother trusted me. She trusted that I knew what my interests were. And if she had her own personal views on what she wished I would take or not, she never pushed me one way or another.
So I will trust my son. I will not force him to follow my will for his life, but instead to find his true passions and his own way. We have no idea what the future holds for our children. So our job is to nurture their interests. To help show them the possibilities, train them in the necessary life-skills to survive in the world, and then to let them go. To let them choose their own path in life, even if it’s extremely different than what we could imagine.
I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.
Visit Mary’s blog at http://www.thisindulgentlife.com/
I never want to tell my kids not to cry or to stop crying.
The reason for this is that it’s a healthy outlet for emotions. To us parents it might seem that kids don’t have any real problems and their perceived problems are no big deal so it can be easy to dismiss their negative emotions. But just because a problem might seem small to us doesn’t mean that their feelings are any smaller than our adult feelings.
It is very important to me that my kids know that it is ok for them to feel whatever they need to feel, whether positive or negative emotions. Learning how to manage their emotions is an important part of accepting and dealing with negative things in their life. Crying might be annoying, but it is actually a very healthy way to manage emotion, it can be very cathartic and it doesn’t hurt anyone. It allows the kid to deal with how they’re feeling, let it out and then try to move on. If we teach kids that crying is not ok, they will still have those feeling and they won’t know how to handle them in a healthy way. They might come out as aggression or indifference.
It can be challenging at times because sometimes it feels like my kids are crying for no reason. When I feel stressed or tired it can be very difficult to be patient and accepting of another person’s crying. But trying to tell them not to be upset actually makes them cry harder.
I find that usually easier for kids to settle down when I let them feel that their feelings are accepted and understood. One strategy for that is to “name” their feeling for them, to give them the words like “you sound really mad right now” or “that loud noise really scared you!” instead of trying to tell them that they are ok or that nothing happened. I find that allowing kids to cry and let out their negative feelings is great for overall emotional health.
Stop trying to perfect your child, but keep trying to perfect your relationship with him.
Visit Diana’s blog at http://www.beehappy.ca/
One thing I will never do to my kids is – to ignore their interest in a hobby. Be it dancing, singing, swimming, drawing or even writing.
Why? You never know if that is going to be their career when they grow up, or help them get a side job while they are in college.
This stems from my own interests being snubbed in my childhood. For what? To give more time and attention to the academics. I was interested in dancing, drawing, and writing. Dancing was started and stopped because my family thought that I need to be giving that time to a private tutor. Drawing and writing were hardly paid attention to.
Did I excel in school because of all the attention to studies? Not really. I was an average score student all my life, till the end of my graduation in commerce, which again was not my choice. I wanted to pursue English or fine arts for graduation. I was again made to believe that these two are not commercial enough to get a job at the end of the day.
When I actually started working, I wasn’t using any of my skills in commerce or economics. I started my career as a graphics designer, for whom a formal training in fine arts would have helped. And later I moved on to become an instructional designer (which is two levels more than a content writer), for whom a graduate degree in English is a major plus. As for dancing, I still love to and wish I knew to dance better at parties.
Hence, that would not happen with my kids. My now 6yr old showed interest in swimming and tennis. I have started him on both at the age of four. My 3yr old is inclined to singing and seems to do it well for her age. Soon she too would receive her formal training in that.
I am willing to go that extra mile for them as I strongly believe, one day it might take them towards what they want to become. What seems to be a hobby today may well be their career tomorrow.
Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person’s character lies in their own hands.
Visit Smitha’s blog at http://www.momandbeyond.net/
One thing I will never do is to make my kids feel unloved. Suffice it to say, growing up my mom was always criticizing me for everything I did to the point that I felt unloved. I want to be the mom that I never had and always encourage and cheer my kids to whatever their heart tells them to do! I try to encourage my child to play and have an imagination as well as try new foods. Another way you could make your child feel more loved is to tell them you love them or give them more responsibility to pick out things for themselves. There are so many ways to show your child you love them, and it can mean so much more than a critical comment.
Sometimes it’s important to understand as a mom we need to do less criticizing and more encouraging because our kids will remember both. Not only will our children remember it, but it will also help shape them into the person they become as an adult. Now, don’t worry. It doesn’t matter how young or how old they are, because it’s never too late to start making your child feel loved and appreciated!
Children are apt to live up to what you believe of them.
Visit Joanna’s blog at http://www.momwithcookies.com
One Thing I’ll Never Do to My Daughter – Pressurize Her To Excel in Academics
I am a mommy of a cute little 3-year-old baby girl. My life like that of every other mom revolves around her. I love to see her playing innocently with her toys or laughing heartedly while watching Doraemon on TV. One thing that I have decided to never ever do to her is putting unnecessary pressure on her to excel in academics. I have read many instances where due to heavy pressure to excel in academics kids develop inferiority complex, depression, and anxiety and sometimes even go to the extent of committing suicide. This is something I’m extremely scared of. I have made this promise to myself that I’ll let my daughter grow in her own way. Helping her in her studies but never expecting her to be on the top as not all fingers are of same length. Only 2 to 3 kids in a class of 50 can be among the toppers. Not all 50 can be the toppers! So why to make a child feel inferior to others if he/she is not able to get a rank among the toppers? I would love my daughter to enjoy her life and pursue her passion instead of running in the mad rat race.
My children are the reason I laugh, smile and want to get up every morning.
Visit Deeksha’s blog at http://wonderfulwomen.in/
I am a mother of two 6-year-old little barbies. Like others, there would be many flaws in my parenting too. But if you asked me to figure out one thing that I never ever want to do with my kid, it would be“Helicopter Parenting” – Overcontrolling, Overprotecting, Overperfecting Parents.
Helicopter Parents are who typically take too much responsibility for their children’s experiences and, specifically, their successes or failures
I can never make a decision easily as I am always dependent on others views. Many times I am afraid of taking some tasks as I never feel confident to do things without someone’s help. So I want to raise my daughters to be more independent and responsible persons. A girl who can take decisions on her own.
My daughters were in kindergarten. Mommy is their loyal driver who picks and drops from school. They had a bag in which they have hardly 2 books. I had never ever pick my daughter’s bag while they were going to or leave from kindergarten. Once a lady observed that she asked me why I am not picking up their bags? She was actually pointing out that kids are small and every mom should pick their kid’s bag as they are tired. My answer was simple enough. I replied, they barely had 2 books in a bag, What happens if they will go higher class? Do you go and pick up their bags till they went to college? They have to learn that picking up their own stuff is not hard work, it’s their responsibility. They are now in 1st standard and I am still not picking up their bags. I saw many parents are just running to pick up their kids as like their kids are coming from doing some hard work.
I don’t want my kids to be so much dependent on me that they don’t know their own responsibilities and feeling helpless when I am not around. Even if I am not present, my kids should manage by themselves.
If I want to grow my children as a more confident and independent person then I have to give them responsibilities. Let them take their decisions. I allow them to do the mess in a room but when time finishes they have to arrange all their stuff by themselves.
There is just one simple thing I do is involving them in taking the decision( which are related to them) and giving them some responsibility. For example, I am selecting their dresses but never forget to ask them which one they like most and try to buy that only. I will never arrange their bookshelves or school bag according to their timetable. I just sit and ask them to do it. Involving them into house chores. I know it is now pretty controversial whether we should involve our kids in house chores or not. House chores don’t mean they will do all your works. But at least they have to do some small tasks like arranging their own clothes, put shoes on shoe rack, etc.
Others will criticize you and I am okay with that because I don’t believe in any mommy shaming moments.
My last words, when you think something will be right for your kid in future just do it. Sometimes they will hate you but it’s all about their own betterment.
Parenting is not one time task. It goes on even if you are 60 years old. So I am changing and my views will change. You will do your best and never be afraid to be criticized.
If You have never been hated by your child you have never been a parent.
Visit Arti’s blog at https://www.escapewriters.com/author/artiyadav/
We are grateful to all the lovely mommies out there who took out precious time to share their personal experiences and beliefs. As they have suggested, let the kids grow by themselves. We don’t need an excellent kid who comes first at school. We all want a happy child who live his/her life at best.
Are you feeling the same what we are feeling right now? Yes, you are right.
Let’s all promise to lower down our expectations and not compare our little ones. The ultimate goal of parenting should be to grow a more lovable and kind human being.
Just question yourself once what is the one thing you never want do with your kid? Are you taking steps to avoid that or not?
At which point you are struggling most? What is one thing you don’t want to do with your kids?Share your ultimate goal of parenting here.
Don’t forget to share this article so that we all can know what we don’t want to do to our kids!